Every dog owner has had some idea of how they thought it would be; a series of mental snapshots, like a movie dream sequence, that details all the ways a dog will enhance their life and be everything they ever wanted and more. Unfortunately, the reality of dog ownership is often far less rosy and almost always an opportunity to rethink that dream.
Expectations Versus Reality
While breed characteristics play a role, dogs are individuals. Breed and personality are two different things. Dogs within any breed may vary based on temperament, past experience, training and their environment.
When I meet with clients who have adopted a dog, I ask how they selected the dog that they got. Answers include “I grew up with Goldens,” or “My friend just got this breed and her dog is so great,” or “We read about them online.”
Mike Wozniak of Baltimore City was one such person. His roommate had a friendly, laid back Pit Bull. He was, Mike thought, the perfect dog. Having never owned a dog, Mike assumed all Pit Bulls were relaxed and happy. Mike selected his Pit Bull, Barry, after spending just two hours at the local shelter. Barry was skinny and beat up; the classic hard luck case. Mike is a laid back guy, and Barry, well; Barry is a high energy bully. Barry jumped on everyone, was not nice to Mike’s girlfriend’s Beagle and nipped when he got excited. It would be hard to find two more mismatched personalities.
Dogs Come With Baggage
Paul and Carol, urban professionals who live in Bolton Hill, selected a dog online from a shelter in Ohio. After some phone calls and a bunch of paperwork faxing, Butch, a 3-year-old mixed breed, arrived from Ohio. Paul retold the story. “I guess it should have occurred to me to ask what kind of a life he’d had before we adopted him; apparently he had never been in a city before. It is possible that he had never been in a house before.”
Bringing Butch to the big city wasn’t the only problem. Their plan had been to send Butch to doggie daycare everyday, but imagine how overwhelming daycare would be for a dog that had never been socialized. When he didn’t pass the temperament test because he was so scared, they didn’t have a backup plan.
Knowing The Right Dog
Be realistic. If you aren’t a marathon runner, don’t get a dog that needs to run. If you have children, don’t get a dog easily rattled by noise or sudden movement. If you have other pets, get a dog that gets along with them. And, if you aren’t patient and willing to take some deep breaths, don’t get a dog at all.
Dogs need way more than you might think. Dogs need more attention, more exercise, more stimulation, more training, more food, more toys, more, more, more! Even the smallest or laziest dog needs walking, playing and stimulation every single day.
Have a support network. If you don’t have dog savvy friends or relatives, hire a support network. Baltimore has some of the best dog walking/sitting services seen anywhere, and great dog trainers and kennels abound.
Don’t get married on the first date. That seems funny, but people do that with dogs. They go to a shelter, spend 30 minutes alone with a dog in a room or on a walk, and take the plunge. You would never marry someone that way, so why would you make a lifelong commitment to a dog that way? It is better to spend considerable time with several dogs in different situations over the course of several days. Better yet, foster a dog that you think you might want.
If all answers point to yes, this is the dog for you, try it out. To truly know that this is a love match, you really need to have the potential adoptee in your home.
Forming A Great Partnership
Normally there is a fascinating tale between the lines Once upon a time and happily ever after. What a boring story it would be if there weren’t, right?
Dogs in stressful or new situations tend to revert to survival mode. They will be quieter, sweeter, more appeasing and generally appear more grateful when they are unsure of their surroundings or circumstances. But as time goes by, they adjust and become comfortable. The rule seems to be that 90 days from adoption, you see their true personality.
Maybe it starts with a chewed sock, a hole in the yard or one low growl. But once everyone is settled in, you may decide that there are some things that aren’t what you want or like about your new pet. Sometimes it is cute and funny, sometimes it is annoying or embarrassing and sometimes it is destructive and dangerous.
Adapting
Dogs are adaptable to a point. You can housebreak them, you can teach them to eat at a certain time, and you can teach them to play with toys and leave the cat alone. But change takes time, resources and patience, and often a fair amount of creativity.
When Butch arrived, Paul and Carol had to quickly adjust their dog ownership plans. “We actually thought, ‘Well, this won’t be any fun if we can’t take him to daycare everyday.’ But in the end, we still got a great dog,” Paul said.
When asked if Mike had to change anything about his life, he laughed. “Yeah. I have had to change a lot.” Now he bikes with Barry to get him enough exercise. He continues to train with him, and he is realistic about what Barry is. “He is a pretty big guy, and he is kinda pushy when he plays; it is hard to find dogs that match that to play with.”
Love The One You’re With
Mike and Barry continue to work toward a compromise on how life will be. “He still jumps on everyone that comes in the house and he still nips when he gets too excited. But he walks nicely on his leash with me now, and he is really good at his obedience behaviors.”
Carol and Paul encourage people to focus on the positive. “At the least it was a project, something I had to do every day to see results, and in the end it has paid off. Not just for Paul and me, but for Butch too. He is so much more relaxed and happy,” said Carol.
A Fairy Tale Ending
How far you go for your dog depends entirely on you. Success or failure hinges on expectations and willingness. You can have a wonderful relationship with an aggressive animal as long as you are willing to avoid all situations where he/she would become aggressive. And sometimes relinquishing a dog is the kindest thing you can do. What doesn’t work in your situation might work for someone else.
Many shelters and rescue groups do their very best to screen adopters and steer them toward making a great decision, but if you end up with a less than perfect match, don’t give up. Dogs are constantly learning and are eager to please. If you are consistent, the dog you have can become the dog that you can live with, happily ever after.
Tips For A Smooth Transition
Build a solid relationship. Relationships are built on trust and common experiences. Take an obedience class with your dog even if he or she already has had classes. It will be a good way for you to learn about each other.
Find things your dog is good at and do lots of that. My dog is great at eating out of a treat ball and will stick with problem solving behaviors for hours, so I use those diversions to deal with his extra energy.
Manage problem behaviors. Get a trash can with a snug lid, or don’t go past the dog park, or hide the laundry basket. In many cases, baby gates, crates, and childproofing can be much easier than fixing the behaviors, and they work instantly!
Get creative and find fun ways to work with your dog’s quirks. Many pet tricks started with a dog and a strange or problematic behavior.
Give your dog structure. Provide a reliable routine. Regular times for eating, playing, walking, and training have a calming effect. Routine reduces anxiety, which, in turn, reduces a huge number of problem behaviors. Consistency is the key.
Exercise, exercise, and more exercise. I can’t say enough good things about tired dogs. When a dog gets enough exercise and enough mental stimulation/exploration, they burn off a lot of the energy that fuels many destructive and rude behaviors.
Make sure everyone is in good health. If your dog develops a behavior problem that isn’t changing despite intervention or one that comes on suddenly without warning, be sure to have your vet do a complete physical.
